On Dress Codes

Watching the BBC's coverage of Glastonbury, I was horrified to note that the drummer from the Arctic Monkeys was wearing tracksuit trousers on stage. Without rushing to knee-jerk over-reactions, the man should be shot.

Honestly, what sort of message does this send out? I hate slovenly musicians. The audience spend their time before a gig worrying about what to wear, getting excited, doing their hair, whilst you, Mr Musician, are safely ensconced in some luxurious backstage area, surrounded by whores and material trappings... and you have the temerity to wander onstage in tracksuit trousers?

I think it is no coincidence that Neil Hannon's worst work came when he decided to trade his suits in for jeans. 'Like trousers, like mind', as Joe Strummer said.

This may sound like the ravings of some deluded, style-over-content, post-romo fop, and frankly, it is. But I think it is fair to say that walking out in front of an audience looking like you've just been scavenging in bins, Badly Drawn Boy, is a direct insult to the people who have come to see you. 'You may have paid good money to be here,' says the bobble hat, 'but you're not worth the effort.'

To qualify, not even a fine pair of Oxford Bags could save Mr Doherty's exercable performance on Saturday - I choose to believe that the effect of said trousers was countermanded by the band's atrocious head-wear. Or maybe there is a scientific principle: not even the highest quality tailoring can survive a talent vacuum.

But this misses the point. If you are a musician who is considering going onstage in his sunday morning house-wear, pull yourself together man, and sort your wardrobe out! We don't go to work in boxer shorts and vests, so what makes you think you can get away with it?